![]() ![]() If you’re having a hard time getting your kid to follow instructions, first remember the power of positive reinforcement. By being stubborn (or, more charitably, “developing a sense of autonomy”) we mean those times when your peanut says, “no I won’t wear mittens, no you can’t change my diaper, no I’m not getting in that car seat, no I won’t stop throwing toys down the stairs.” And aggression is anything that hurts bodies or feelings, like hitting, kicking, screaming “I hate you!”, etc. Now that you have some strategies you can use when your kiddo is acting the way you want them to, let’s get to the issue you really want to address – what to do when your child is being stubborn or aggressive. But research and experience show that kids behave better when people focus on the things they are doing right, even when those things are as simple as sitting down at the table to eat breakfast. Or we may praise exceptional accomplishment while breezing by the run-of-the-mill appropriate things they do every day. Most of us pay way more attention to our children when they do something wrong than when they do something right. Tangible rewards like stickers or treats.Positive Attention, such as looking at them and smiling, or playing yet another round of Candy Land.Specific verbal acknowledgement, like saying “Great job putting your socks in the drawer!” (which is a more effective way to praise than saying something global like “Good boy!”).Here are some examples of how to positively reinforce your child: And you need to regularly acknowledge when they do something right. What does “positive reinforcement” mean in real life? You need to figure out what you want your child TO do, instead of what NOT TO DO (more on this later). If you’re offended that we are comparing your child to a rat, clearly you haven’t been subjected to the tiny claws of a tantruming toddler. Rats won’t do much if you shock them when they make a wrong turn, but if you put a piece of cheese at the end of the maze, suddenly you have a little furry Einstein. Say what now? How do I get my child to stop being a small dictator if I don’t punish her? Well, as psychologists have known since teaching rats how to run through mazes, the best way to change behavior is through positive reinforcement. The best way to change behavior isn’t discipline. And they are both parents of young children so they totally “get it.” And this is what they have to say about it… The Power of Positive Reinforcement ![]() They also run a year-long PMT externship for psychology students. Kate Viezel and Jamie Zibulsky see patients at Fairleigh Dickinson University’s Center for Psychological Services and are trained in Alan Kazdin’s Parent Management Technique (PMT). So I asked two child psychologists about it.ĭrs. My own attempts played out in much the same way leaving me feel resentful and defeated. It’s hard to watch this and feel like it’s a winning strategy. I would watch the videos of parents wrestling their kid into the naughty chair for what appears to be 27 hours while the Benny Hill theme song plays in the background. I don’t remember where I first came across the idea of time outs but I believe it was on Super Nanny. “Sit in the chair for 3 minutes or Mommy will cry. I tried to put pants on her for 3 hours and gave up. “Stop hitting your brother so we can have snack! Why did you stuff your socks in your sippy cup?”
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